Svenska? Nej, tack.

It's been a while dear friends but here I am!!

My life has had some curious incidents since we have last spoken, but I will not bore you with the details, nej, I will just bore you with my frivolous attempts to master Swedish.

because after all... what am I good for other than blogs about Sweden? Nothing I tell you, nothing but fetal pigs.

I've been putting it off for a while, studying that is. Martin has been on my case for weeks to master the chapters of "Colloquial Swedish", but the ups and downs of the Swedish sounds mirror the ups and downs of my attempts to master them. ... but today was D-Day, the day Martin told me I had to really study with him. This is a result of Martin hinting to me he really didn't want me to study with Sven the Swedish Exchange Student (although I don't even know him, only from a creepy stalkeresque distance, from facebook pictures) , his solution was to spend our talking time with..... learning. (....men jag hatar lärande!)

So here is a couple of sentences of grotesquely wrong Swedish.

Jag är student. (I am a student)

Jag är 19 år kommer från Wisconsin. (I am 19 and come from Wisconsin)

Jag vill älska med dig i en liten, mysig fiskeby och ett traditionellt gästgiveri. ( I want to make love to you in a small, cozy fishing village or a traditional country inn)

Din rumpa är enorm men jag tycker om dig. (Your butt is enormous but I like you)

Martin says I have a gift of learning the most innocent vocab words and putting them in the dirtiest, weirdest sentences. Well, at least it started out nice.
There were some more but most of it ends in "i din rumpa!!!" (in your butt). Martin says I'm not allowed to say things like that in public, what does Martin know anyway?

Love Love,

M

p.s. Martin, Det var det jag sa, för fan! <3

Patent Rejection

superpoop.com

xoxo Hannah

3 Things that Should Apologize- Part II

Battlestar Galactica:

You are a blight on all mankind. Had we met under different circumstances maybe I could have tolerated you; perhaps I could have even seen past the science fiction-iness & appreciated all that wonderful character development I have been told you exhibit... yes... we could have been friends Battlestar, but you HAD to go there. Seducing my boyfriend with your robots and lasers and all that damn SPACE SHIT... dammit Battlestar Galactica, you are a heartless bitch! I mean, how can a normal girl compete with a fictional nuclear holocaust perpetrated by sexy human-robot things? Not even remotely possible. 

But there are only 6 seasons. And then Battlestar Galactica, like the cheap tramp of a television show you are, you will be back out on the streets, searching for the next nerd you can sell your sinful wares to. I hope you get herpes.

RuPaul:

I watched a few episodes of your new VH1 show, RuPaul's Drag Race. I couldn't help it. It's not that the concept of an America's Next Top Model meets Project Runway meets The Great Pretender search for "America's Next Drag Queen Superstar" particularly appealed to me at first; but when I heard you call for an impromptu "Vogue-off" competition for immunity, I was mesmerized. And then when you then took it to the next level, making your bottom two contestants "Lip sync for their LIVES" with your signature call of "DON'T FUCK IT UP!", it was officially too late for me; I couldn't change the channel.  Like a drug, your sequins, sassiness, and shameless self promotion of your ballin' new single "Covergirl (Put the Bass in Your Walk)" has me hooked. You and your girls are like heroin. Gay, bitchy heroin. 

And like heroin, I feel so guilty. I can't work up the courage to tell people, "What did I do on Saturday? I watched RuPaul's Drag Race. No big deal." 

Why did you do this to me RuPaul?! Please say you are sorry. I can't live like this anymore.

Precipitation:

Leave North Dakota alone! What did they ever do to YOU?! You devastate them with the worst flood in their history and then you throw in a blizzard... just to be sure everyone is suitably cold and wet enough. Precipitation, you better not show your face in Wisconsin or I'll make you wish you NEVER evaporated into the atmosphere.

xoxo Hannah

Our New Cause

Call in sick to work, throw the kids in the car, and hold a barbecue, a block party, or an impromptu bris: March is officially now Circumcision Awareness Month!

Love 'em? Hate 'em? Doesn't matter! As long as you are aware that circumcisions exist! 

I'd  just like to take a moment to share with you my personal story... I hope that it will inspire you and encourage you to raise awareness of this safe, routine medical procedure in your own community:

If you were to say the words "foreskin" or "circumcision" to me 5 days ago, my first reaction would have been "What?!" closely followed by a confident and resonating,"Eeeeeeeeeewwww...." 

But things change in 5 days.

I mean I still think it's quite gross, but I am proud to say that as of today the "Eeeeewwww" officially comes before the "What?!" 

Because things are different now.... now that I'm aware. 

Thanks to Austria's selfless activism for an often overlooked cause, I now know that circumcisions are more than the stuff of legend... they really do exist. No lie. 

It's not like I CARE or anything... but I feel so blessed and grateful to no longer be in the dark on the issue.

Thanks Austria!

Hopefully you all feel a bit more enlightened.  So have a great day and remember,

Circumcision: It's a Cut Below the Rest

xoxo Hannah

 

WTF War

How did Mariah and I end up in a heated week-long argument with Austria about the pros and cons of circumcision? It's a mystery, but I do believe that Austria started it. 

Because Austria LOVES to argue. About foreskin. At dinner. I mean, who doesn't?

Here's more or less how the conversation went:

Hannah (happily)- "Nacho day is my favorite day of all the days!"

Mariah- "I agree. Nacho day rocks."

Austria- "Let's talk about... circumcision."

With that fateful subject change, an all out Facebook war ensued with both sides finding reputable links to support their side. Mariah and I found articles in a medical journal of pediatric health and on CNN.com while Austria chose to go with a comprehensive and unbiased article from homiegfunk.com, a site which although not medically accreditted, has far more street cred than either of our sources.

Dinner's in a half a hour. I suspect the war will continue. 

To be honest, I don't really care either way; I'm banking on having girls.

xoxo Hannah

Dear Fetal Pig,

My condolences for you having to suffer from the cuts of my scalpel.

I didn't want to dissect you, but my bio teacher made me!

I named you Mr. Snouts. My lab partner refused to touch you or to call you that because she feared a deep emotional attachment.

I announced I felt like a plastic surgeon when I was making incisions, to the snickering of other people at our lab table.

After a while I got used to you, and even let your snout touch my bare arm.

You smelled awful.

I have a feeling if you were allowed to grow up you would look like the pig in the picture!

We will be seeing a lot of you in lab this month. Can't wait!

Love Love,
M

p.s. I won't be eating ham for a while now.

Martin and I learn to Disco

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WILDCATS!

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Holy S***, Sesame Street!

Someone better write a strongly worded letter to Sesame Street, lest they continue to let The Count poison our children's minds with his nastiness.

I mean cobwebs? WTF Count?!

xoxo Hannah

Dear Typewriters,

I hate when professors older than Jesus still use your products

I feel like I am going blind.

Love Love you technology advanced friend,

M

Monday Miscellany

Dear Nacho Day at the Cafeteria,

Thank you for always being there for me with your cheesy, beefy, all-you-can-eat goodness. You know just how to comfort me after a rough day, lovingly raising my blood sugar with your perfect mixture of grease and spices. I'm so glad I met you and I predict a long and happy relationship.

Dear Knitting,

What gives? I've been at this scarf for like two days and I'm not even done yet. I've got things to do and necks to warm. Why must you take such a long time? 

Dear Lady on Cell Phone at the Bus Station,

I'm not sure I would agree that your pregnant bff who just got off probation this weekend and is now moving to Arizona to be with her abusive, drug dealing ex-husband has "really gotten her life together." But hey, I'm just an eavesdropper.

P.S. Enjoy.

superpoop.com

 

xoxo Hannah

Dear Martin,

The answer to your question is Yes, it will be black.

Jag Love Dig.

your,

Mariah

Dear Mariah,

You must stop being so miserable. You have so many wondrous things to be happy about!

Spring is here, the sun is shining, and the birds are chirping happily... why, I can almost hear them singing "Mariah! Come out and play with us! Live your life, don't bide your time! We have chocolate!  Chirp chirp."

You should be out partying with me and those birds, Mariah. And maybe some other humans too if you don't like birds. Some people don't. God knows why; birds are the best, but whatever. 

I mean you actually know a REAL person named McGillicuddy for Christ sake! Don't you know how awesome that is?! How I envy you, my friend!

Anyways have a nice trip back, don't do any amphetamines, and I will see you tomorrow.

xoxo Hannah

It's a Slippery Slope

The clinking of Dr. McGillicuddy's against a UV blue bottle brought me back to the fact I was dropping my own mother off at a party.

What am I doing tonight?
Nothing.

Along the 4 mile trip to my aunt's house to drop my mother off at a jewelry party with a bunch of other 30 somethings I sort of spaced out, lost in thoughts.

Will I be going to jewelry parties one day?
Probably not.

There are few words exchanged along the journey and I pressed the the radio dial in haste. Music flooded the car which prompted my mom to add in out of guilt

"You could ask your cousin Alyse to come over and keep you company"

"She's 3, mom"

The silence resumed, but I thought I would ask her anyway once we got there. Of course Alyse said no. Figures.

My mom said goodbye and I resumed post in the driver's seat. Nike shorts, nice shirt and all.
I can explain. I wore the nice shirt so I could talk to Martin, I don't want him to see how pathetic I am. If it wasn't for him I some how find it hard to believe I would even brush my hair in the morning, let alone put on makeup.

I watched the fields roll by, dotted with country farm houses until I saw some kid walking along side of the road in a bathrobe, red boxing gloves adorned with a ninja hat . He beat his gloves together over his head, and I continued driving, too involved in my own misery to notice an odd thing for 5:30 p.m. on a Saturday, or well any day.

It's just one of those days where nothing seems to quite fill you, always hungry for more. I mistook my emptiness for real hunger and ate my weight in meatloaf. Now I just feel sick and empty.

Misery loves company, as the saying goes, and this misery loves meatloaf.

Love Love,

M

Fun at the Park

Yesterday my mother and sister and I decided to spend some quality time together so we skipped off to one of our favorite downtown parks. Here is pictorial documentation of our adventures starring my dear sister Ellyn:

First we climbed a tree; the experience caused Ellyn to feel many intense emotions almost simultaneously: happiness, sexiness, rage, and finally disbelief that she had even climbed that tree in the first place.

Next we went to the playground to swing on the swings. Sadly, there were some KIDS on the swings so we had to play on other things instead.

After some initial difficulty, Ellyn eventually completed her journey down the twisty slide. Then we played on the

parallel bars. What fun!

But all too soon it was time to go home. The sun had started to set, the birds were settling down to dream little bird dreams in their nests, and the parents of those awful swing-hogging children were looking a bit grumpy at us for taking over their playground. So we said goodbye.

But not before we had one last go at the colorful plastic tubes.

As she lay here, a line of about six snotty 4 year olds waited patiently for their turn in the tube. They don't even have jobs and they're trying to take the red plastic tubes away from us hard working folks? Lazy bastards.

xoxo Hannah

Dear Martha Stewart,

How do you do it?

Here I am, trying my best to match your domestic goddess status and what do I get?

An EPIC FAILURE!

I am the laughing stock of my family, Martha.

There is a joke among mi familia, that every time I attempt to cook anything, it turns out to look like.... well poop.

No matter what I do Martha! I misread, I overcook, I add too much, I add too little, I am cooking impaired.

Do they have an Iron Chef for people like me? No Martha, they don't.

My life will always consist of ham and cheese hotpockets and pretzels.

God help me.

Love Love
M

Dear Melodifestivalen,

You have corrupted my boyfriend with crap music.

I cannot believe some of the songs you call music. I am a little afraid to move to Sweden where the chorus line of a song is "now watch Dancing bear!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnHGxw7pgCc


The thing is, having a song full of Russian stereotypes is bound to be a little offensive. Women with yellow underwear and red stars, dancing bears, mobsters, and dancers with fur hats... come on, I don't even speak Swedish and I get that!

but damn it, it's so catchy.

Come on baby shake that thing.

Love Love

M

Madison

On Friday I survived the death-defying car ride home with Kai who amazingly managed to obtain a license despite having a very limited understanding of the meaning behind that mysterious white line that runs down the center of the highway. He seemed to get, at least in the rudimentary sense, that to collide with one of the many other moving objects nearby might in someway impede his ability to get to point B, yet when I suggested he maybe NOT swerve into oncoming semis I was scolded for making his already bad day more difficult.

Somebody needs to get his priorities in order methinks. Like perhaps putting "living" a few steps above "the right to use every lane simultaneously when grumpy" for example. But hey, it's just a suggestion.

Since then I have:

*Gone shopping 

*Eaten Indian food

* Worked out at the gym and then directly afterward ate an entire family sized bag of cheesy popcorn by myself 

*Explained to my mother that dolphins are in fact animals and that they do indeed belong in that category in Sculptorades

*Learned to knit scarves, dish rags, and pretty much anything else that is a rectangle or square

Who who knows what sorts of adventures I will have next?

xoxo Hannah

Spring Spring Spring Break

Day 3 of official spring break and I have managed to catch a cold. Bleh.

Yesterday I walked around with cotton balls in my ears to prevent the medicine I put in them from leaking out (which caused my family to yell at me more often), a pile of tissues, and in a half stupor from the medsI had taken before hand.

I don't even remember my conversation with Martin yesterday as a result.

Today I went to the mall sick as can be, but I did manage to buy Cole a book on Sharks, where the sales lady called me Cole's mom (gah lady), and watched Cole almost get hit by a man in a powered wheel chair.

Oh and I saw my old Calculus teacher in a lovely sweater that but Bill Cosby to shame.

Now I must go pass out in bed.

Love Love,

M

Superpoop Friday!

superpoop.com

superpoop.com

superpoop.com

xoxo Hannah

Dear Professor Lazada,

I'm convinced you are the human version of google maps.

You gave someone in our class directions to a memorial statue by street names

in BUDAPEST


Love Love
M

This Post is NOT About Sweden

Hello World,

 My name is Hannah and like most people, I will NOT be moving to Sweden next year. I am also NOT dating anyone of Swedish descent. I like to think this fact makes it easier for you to connect with me as opposed to Mariah who, by virtue of her Swedish obsession, is distant and unrelatable to the casual reader. I am excited to report that had I been required to complete a phone interview in order to stay here in Wisconsin (which I was not because as any observer can easily see, I am a good and true American), I would have passed with flying colors. But as you can see by the title, this post is NOT about Sweden, Mariah, or Visa interviews. It is about ME and other people and things that will not be in Sweden next year.

*North Dakota- My home state is an exciting place located right here in the good old U.S. of A. and although many of its 8 residents are of Scandinavian descent (including myself) there are also plenty of non-Swedish things that have happened here too. Here are some exciting ND facts:

-Ever wondered where the parking meter was invented? Right F***ing here, bitch!

- North Dakota has the most millionaires, churches, and big empty spaces per capita of all the states

- We are famous for our bison, statues of bison, Badlands, The International Peace Garden , and bountiful harvests of sun flowers, wheat, and religious fundamentalists

*Ethnic groups-  P.S. Swedes, having brunettes isn't the same as diversity. Sorry.

*My cat- Scout is a male orange and white tabby, neutered, with a bladder infection. He enjoys sleeping on my clean laundry, eating his Purina Chicken and Rice Anti-Hairball formula cat food, and licking people's faces while they slumber. He currently has no plans of obtaining a Swedish residence visa.

xoxo Hannah

* 

Dear Marie from the Swedish Embassy,

You called an hour early.

I mean here I was, at 8:05 a.m. about to brush my teeth when I see you calling.

You never mentioned our interview was your time, not mine.

Don't worry, Martin have a time difference problem too, I'm used to it.


The surprise attack was good, it didn't give me time to work myself up about all the things that could go wrong.

I thought it was funny how you asked if you woke me up.

God I must have sounded awful!
I said no, I mean I did wake up 5 minutes before you called. It was a long sleepless night anyway.

Marie, it turns out you are just as funny and nice as I would imagine a best friend to be. You even spent about 10 minutes talking about just how bad you thought Eskilstuna was, since, as it turns out, you are from Eskilstuna. You did admit to being spoiled in DC. I would imagine that.

You told me it was a good thing I was going to be living in Gothenburg.

The questions you asked weren't very hard. That was nice of you. I did think it was funny when you would talk about hotel burnings in Eskilstuna, laugh then say.

"Well enough about me, when was Martin born?"

It was like you were trying to catch me off guard. Damn those DC people train you well.

Our conversation didn't last so long, but you did act a little motherly during the time. I thought this was amusing.

"You'll wait to have kids till after university right??"

" Of course we will."

" You know this is a big step and you could just study abroad."

"Yes, I am aware of that"

Oh Marie, I've been through these questions and options a million times. I will be fine.

Really Marie, thank you. You made me feel so much more relaxed even if you did ask me some hard questions and tried to caution me. Just like any best friend would do.

I asked what you thought my chances were.

You said you didn't see any reason they would deny me.

On the other hand, you said if Martin was to apply to live in America, he wouldn't be able to unless he married me or was on a student visa.

I feel superior.

Thanks again for everything,

Love Love

M

p.s. this picture is the image in my head of Eskilstuna the way you spoke abou it.

Dear Nerves,

Please calm down.

I have done everything to make you behave and stop making me shake.

I studied something completely boring to distract you.

I exercised to release endorphins.

I took a long hot shower with cozy lavender soap.

I put on my fresh pjs.

I daydreamed of rolling waves along the shore of a warm beach.

I even listened to Simon and Garfunkel.

What is wrong with you? The interview will go fine.

Love Love,
M

Monday Happy Playlist

Eccentric Monday (songs that don't go together put in a playlist)

1. Electric Feel- MGMT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtUI5MC9tVM&feature=channel

2. The Fear- Lily Allen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-wGMlSuX_c

3. Breaking It Up - Lykke Li
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0WUTeVwos8

4. L.E.S. Artistes- Stantogold
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCeZzW54a2o

5. Bucky Done Gun- MIA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVX0sVMGCAo

Love Love

M

Bleh

I broke down today and did a load of laundry.

Who knew swim suit bottoms were not a form of acceptable underwear?

Love Love,

M

Dear Sweden

My life seems to revolve around you now a days.

Last night I went to one of your country's movies called "Let the Right One In". It was showing on campus as part of the international film series. Cecilia told me it was stupid, Martin told me I should go just for the Swedish.

To tell you the truth, Sweden, I was confused because I wasn't sure if this was a real horror movie about a 12 year old Swedish vampire child, or dark comedy love story. Maybe it was all of those things? Well I did enjoy it, but for some reason, the Swedish language does not scare me.

German, well that's another story. You should listen to Tim the German while he plays soccer, then you would see what I mean.

Sweden, I really hope you will let me come and stay in August. I would really like another person to be present when I'm feeling sorry for myself once again in my room watching the "Harry Potter Weekend" on tv and passing out after eating one of the largest chocolate cookies known to mankind.

I think Martin would prevent cookie comatose.

Also, we have one of your countrymen here. Martin and I call him Sven, but I think his real name is Gusav? Not real sure, but he has been pointed out to me at dinner once. Every time I see him on campus, I resist the urge to say "HELP ME WITH MY SWEDISH" while pulling on his leg.

I think all of my friends are getting sick of me talking about my You.

I am obsessed.

Today one of my Mongolian friends stopped me in the hall to talk about my interview Wednesday. She told me in all seriousness "Mariah, maybe you should resist the urge to say whatever you are thinking, and not be so crazy".

I would like to thank the country of Mongolia for that advice.

While I have never wanted something so bad as this Visa, I also worry about other things.

Here are some things I am worried about you not having for me which I have compiled into a list:

1. I will miss Walmart. No cecilia, ICA maxi is only a cheap imitation.

2. I will miss poptarts, free plastic bags, Arizona Diet Green Tea, Cranberry Juice, Famous Dave's BBQ sauce, Green Bay Packers, my family, comfortable clothing, President Obama, English, ugly people (since I hear there are none in Sweden), fellow brunettes, real gangsta rap, country music, trashy tv shows, Anderson Cooper, my friends, people getting my pop culture jokes, oh and cars ( I hear you walk everywhere, ew)


Oh Sweden, I have such a love hate relationship with you.

I love Martin.

I hate lingonberries.


Love Love

M

K Guys, Help me Figure this Out...

These past couple of days The Boyfriend and I have been quarantined in his home suffering a shared flu ("or possibly mono... who can really know?"- The Not Very Helpful Doctor); sharing Tylenol and mugs of immune system-enhancing tea by the soft glow of Tropic Thunder on TV... you know, romantic couple things. 

After a heated discussion involving the realism of The Omen, The Boy slyly mentioned that he had picked out my birthday present. Naturally I was curious, especially since my birthday isn't for another three and a half months, so I beat him until he gave me some clues. Here is what I have figured out:

* It will be two parts- one of those parts is edible and the other is "very not edible."

* The "very not edible" part can apparently conduct electricity and may or may not be colorful.

Through careful interrogation and detective work I have discovered that my present is NOT:

*A Lightening Rod

*Wires

*Lingerie baked into or on top of a cake

* A Suit of Armor

*Water

*An Asian Baby

*A Boat, Muthafucka

Well, there go all my good ideas. If you guys have any better ones let me know. I only have three and a half months to sabotage my birthday surprise!

xoxo Hannah

Dear Lykke Li,

I wish more people loved you in the US.
(instead of Toby Keith)

love love

M

A Bountiful Harvest of Familial Love

Today I was pleased to find in my usually empty mail box not one, but two things! A post card from dear Kathi in Austria and a GIGANTIC box of random items my family thought I might need. The contents of the box were as follows:

3 bars of soap

3 bars of chocolate

2 boxes of popcorn 

A flashlight

2 bags of beef jerky

A carabeener with a warning label "Not for Climbing"

Q-Tips

A F-16 Fighting Falcon Glider Toy Plane

A manicure kit

Deodorant

Dental Floss

Shaving Gel

Silly Putty

Eye Drops

Toothbrush

Shampoo

Conditioner

Whitening Toothpaste

Razors

A Sewing Kit

Mouthwash

Lip Balm

Propel Fitness Water

Kool Ade

Tampons

Pads

and of course

Hand Sanitizer

<3>

xoxo Hannah 

Dear Marie From the Swedish Embassy,

I have a feeling we will be best friends.

I cannot express how happy I was to hear that you had phoned. It's just too bad I missed it and you had left the office by the time I called back.

What did you think when you heard my answer machine "Hey, It's Mariah, Leave a message!"
and you responded "Hello Mariah Phillips, this is Marie calling from the Swedish Embassy in Washington D.C. regarding scheduling a telephone interview with you, call me back at the following number...."

I think it's kind of funny, no one from my country's capital has ever called me.

I spoke to you today. I was so nervous all night and couldn't sleep. I had to wake up a half an hour earlier so I could calm down enough to speak.

I rang you at exactly 8:02 a.m.. I was going to call at exactly 8 but I lost my nerve.

You took me by surprise by answering right away and I managed to stammer out "thisismariahphillipscallingaboutmyswedishresidencepermit"

I'm glad you understood me.

I must say Marie, I swore up and down to Martin you were American by your accent on my answer machine, but when you answered I could tell you immediately weren't.

You had a British/Australian/American (or lack of an accent) accent. This is very distinguishable as a Swedish accent. If it's one thing I've learned, it is that a Swede has a very malleable accent when speaking English, in which they take on the accent of which they are surrounded by.

Cecilia has developed an American accent.

Martin had a British accent but it slowly turned American from talking to me every day. (he is still bitter about that)

You, Marie, must have seen a lot of Australians, Brits, and Americans in your lifetime.

Oh, and I see your last name is Whitman, you must have married an American! Good for you!!

Anyway, we have a scheduled interview next wednesday at 9 a.m. I have been thinking contstantly about what you will ask. I think I have been studying more for this in my head than my for my biology lab exam on Friday.

I just wish I could tell you Marie how much it means to me for you to put in a good word for me at the Swedish Embassy. You have my future in your hands and I appreciate all your hard work.

Oh Marie, Martin and I have imagined that you took the pictures we sent you and put them in some sort of collage of happy couples you've helped.

That's nice.

Please Marie, I love him so much.

Sincerely,

M

p.s. I think you would enjoy this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m57pX0neh68

Did you Know?

*That pregnant ladies are awesome because they can balance plates of food on their bellies like otters?

*That I am not as good at drawing bubble letters as I thought I was?

*That a "character building experience" is really just a regular experience that is going to suck really bad?

*That Mariah mumbles about Walmart in her sleep?

* That my porn name (first pet+ street you grew up on) is Stymie 23?

Well now you know.

xoxo Hannah

I'm T-Pain, You Know Me

Dear Thugs,

As the end of Sunday approaches, I feel the need to contemplate my week as well as procrastinate studying for my photography test.

First of all,I highly recommend you to watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yfISlGLNU

You know you want to.

This week was one that seemed to drag on for forever, but the things I did will look minimal to the things to come this week. Sigh.

I did do some fun things though. I hid a note in a digestion model in biology. I watched some weird guy air drum while waiting for lecture to start. I didn't fall as much as usual. Martin and I came up with an STD version of a Swedish pop song. (It's not our fault gonorrhea sounds so much like Cara Mia) I went to Target(!) and had Noodles & Co.

As you see friends, my life is like a mirror image of how T-Pain's must be. Bitches and ho's, bio models, and mother effing math.

OH, I have decided on my future career path in the motherfucking Swede land, bitches. I have decided that being an English teacher would be a perfecto job for me. I mean I could teach some teenagers what being a badass American is all about. I would have rap day, teach crumping, and drop it like it's hot.

Speaking of being a straight up thug. I decided that Martin and my future children should be raised like they call Compton home.

Picture this: A cute Kindergarten class full of blonde hair, blue eyed children ready to open their little minds to the world of colors, numbers, and kittens, when..... (cue the musical styling of 50 cent's P.I.M.P. )

Two small brown hair, brown eyed children role up in wife beaters and cornrows, flashin' ice like they be frozen. They acknowledge their teacher with a small head tilt up and take their seat while showin' their grilz with a snarl.

"Today class we will learn about animals."- innocent Scandinavian teacher (in Swedish)

"Bitch, we don't wanna learn about no animals."- our children

Adorable? Yeah, Martin didn't think so either. I think he pictures them more of a Van Trapp family singers also. (although he is pretty gangsta, looking at this picture)

Annnnyyywaayyy, I must continue to study.

Stay Fresh

Love Love,
M