Notes (You Know you've Missed Me)

1. Dear Shrubs: trip me once, shame on me. Trip me twice and I will take a picture of you, and then add degrading captions to it.

2. Dear Wesboro Baptist Church:

In recognition of your tireless work in the field of shameless douchebaggery even in the face of violence, ridicule and sunlight, I say unto you : Right back atcha bitches!

P.S. nice shades.

3: Dear laundry,

Do yourself. Kthanx.

Much love,

xoxo Hannah

Monday Miscellany

Dear Nacho Day at the Cafeteria,

Thank you for always being there for me with your cheesy, beefy, all-you-can-eat goodness. You know just how to comfort me after a rough day, lovingly raising my blood sugar with your perfect mixture of grease and spices. I'm so glad I met you and I predict a long and happy relationship.

Dear Knitting,

What gives? I've been at this scarf for like two days and I'm not even done yet. I've got things to do and necks to warm. Why must you take such a long time? 

Dear Lady on Cell Phone at the Bus Station,

I'm not sure I would agree that your pregnant bff who just got off probation this weekend and is now moving to Arizona to be with her abusive, drug dealing ex-husband has "really gotten her life together." But hey, I'm just an eavesdropper.

P.S. Enjoy.

superpoop.com

 

xoxo Hannah

This Week at Nap Time...

Dear Art Professor,

I had a dream today that I complained about getting a 94% on your test when I CLEARLY deserved a 96% and as punishment you sent me to Hell for a few days so I'd learn to appreciate my life more.

I just wanted to let you know that you may not want to implement that strategy in real life. I commend you for making such a valiant and creative attempt at changing my life, but to be completely honest, Hell just wasn't that bad. I mean it's not like it's AWESOME or anything, but if my dreams are any indication of the real thing, eternal damnation is really boring but totally manageable.

Here are some Fun Facts about the underworld you may not know:

* It is just like college, assuming your university is located in the molten center of the Earth! There are tunnels and tunnels of dorm rooms that Hell's residents share with their assigned roommate and some giant overflow rooms for those tormented souls who transferred late.

*Almost everyone has cats and in some cases the cats get their own dorms. 

*Satan has a fondness for kettle corn and thinks torturing people is "so gross". 

*They have cable!

In conclusion dear Art Professor, the next time you want to punish me by sending me to some God forsaken place just send me to work. It's WAY worse.

xoxo Hannah