This Week at Nap Time...

Dear Art Professor,

I had a dream today that I complained about getting a 94% on your test when I CLEARLY deserved a 96% and as punishment you sent me to Hell for a few days so I'd learn to appreciate my life more.

I just wanted to let you know that you may not want to implement that strategy in real life. I commend you for making such a valiant and creative attempt at changing my life, but to be completely honest, Hell just wasn't that bad. I mean it's not like it's AWESOME or anything, but if my dreams are any indication of the real thing, eternal damnation is really boring but totally manageable.

Here are some Fun Facts about the underworld you may not know:

* It is just like college, assuming your university is located in the molten center of the Earth! There are tunnels and tunnels of dorm rooms that Hell's residents share with their assigned roommate and some giant overflow rooms for those tormented souls who transferred late.

*Almost everyone has cats and in some cases the cats get their own dorms. 

*Satan has a fondness for kettle corn and thinks torturing people is "so gross". 

*They have cable!

In conclusion dear Art Professor, the next time you want to punish me by sending me to some God forsaken place just send me to work. It's WAY worse.

xoxo Hannah

Sometimes I Do Things Pt III: Holiday Edition

So I didn't get an extra job, clean the house, or do any volunteer work over winter break. Big Whoop. Here are some things I did do:

1. I painted my bathroom. Now when I pee I feel as if I am swimming in a tranquil sea of blue.

2. I found the world's gayest mannequin at Boston Store... and then posed for a picture with it to show my pride and acceptance of its brave lifestyle choice.

3. I read not one but TWO books, The Last Lecture and Ender's Game. That's right. I can read.

4. I spoke Spanish to a Mexican cleaning crew and assured them that the house was not haunted and that they could stop yelling "La puerta! La puerta!" whenever I opened my door.

5. Laundry. Lots and lots of laundry.

So to all those who would tell you I am not productive: screw you biotches.

xxoo Hannah

Bio Lecture Lists

What up Dbags?

I am supposed to be taking notes on the Hardy-Weinberg Equilibrium, but instead I've decided to make some lists of things I've been pondering lately. Deep thoughts.

Worst Jobs to Try to Pick up Chicks With:

1. Guy who did the credits at the end of Laser Mission

2. Celery Farmer

3. Guy who says, “Ahhh... Push it.” in the background of “Push It” by Salt-n-Pepa

4. Guy who writes the messages inside of Hallmark cards

5. Guy who edits the labels on Pespi bottles

6. Elephant midwife

7. Guy who designs the pictures on the sides of Kleenex boxes

8. Guy who did the lighting for the British crime drama “Touching Evil”

9. Rapist

10. Guy who discovers and  names different species of fish

Activities I can do after class during that annoying 3 hour period when everyone else is busy:

1. Sleep

2. Eat Sandwich

3. Take bad-ass pictures of self for personal "Bad-Ass Pictures of Myself" scrapbook

4. Make my mom an English-to-texting dictionary

5. Vote

6. Stick multicolored Post-It labels all over the things in my room so I don't forget what things are called

7. Ponder the mysteries of life

8. Call people I haven't talked to in a long long time

9. Feed my fish

10. Practice smiling for pictures

xxoo Hannah

Sometimes I Do Things: The Terrifying Sequel

Now normally I would be writing a scathing counter-attack regarding Mariah's latest post with it's blatant disrespect for my complex and interesting life and complete disregard of my writing style (you call that a list, Mariah?! My dead cat writes better lists than you!), but after some careful reading, observation, and analysis I have come to conclude that she was actually pretty accurate. 

For the most part. 

But again I feel I have the duty to: a) display my list writing prowess, and b) remind you dear reader (because there is probably only one of you) that despite my outwardly "lazy" appearance, I do do things. Sometimes. When I feel like it.

1. I support the futbol (or in English: soccer) team. And if your definition of support is, as mine is, taking a bunch of pictures of yourself and completely ignoring the game because you only went because you were hoping to get pretzels afterward, then I am pretty much the most supportive fan you are going to find anywhere.

2. I make* strawberry cupcakes.

3. I return my rented movies on time. I even have a Bloc

kbuster membership card thingy and everything. See these? I returned these.

4. I find Suwda, Mariah, and J-Dawg interesting places to eat everything in sight at.

5. I do laundry on The Sabbath.

*make= Boy makes cupcakes, I preheat the oven

xxoo

Hannah

Hi, I'm hannah

Hannah is too busy with hanging out with her boys who don't have real names, making brownies and watching 30 Rock to even bother to update everyone on her life. Here is what hannah is up to.

1) Class

2) Sleep

3) Class

4) Sleep

5) Eat

6) Sitting in my room

7) Going out

xoxox

H (as M)