K Guys, Help me Figure this Out...

These past couple of days The Boyfriend and I have been quarantined in his home suffering a shared flu ("or possibly mono... who can really know?"- The Not Very Helpful Doctor); sharing Tylenol and mugs of immune system-enhancing tea by the soft glow of Tropic Thunder on TV... you know, romantic couple things. 

After a heated discussion involving the realism of The Omen, The Boy slyly mentioned that he had picked out my birthday present. Naturally I was curious, especially since my birthday isn't for another three and a half months, so I beat him until he gave me some clues. Here is what I have figured out:

* It will be two parts- one of those parts is edible and the other is "very not edible."

* The "very not edible" part can apparently conduct electricity and may or may not be colorful.

Through careful interrogation and detective work I have discovered that my present is NOT:

*A Lightening Rod

*Wires

*Lingerie baked into or on top of a cake

* A Suit of Armor

*Water

*An Asian Baby

*A Boat, Muthafucka

Well, there go all my good ideas. If you guys have any better ones let me know. I only have three and a half months to sabotage my birthday surprise!

xoxo Hannah

Counterpoint

God you're so gross.

End Counter Point.

I <3 You Boyfriend

February 14th,  a special day. Mariah is in a romantic tizzy and, except to eat and/or pee, she hasn't left Martin's disembodied computer head ALLLL day. She CLAIMS she went for a walk this morning... but she may be confusing food scavenging at the Davie's Center for exercise. That's ok though, she's cute.

The Boy and I are postponing our Official Valentine's Day Celebration until tomorrow as he must work double shifts all weekend. I threatened to kick his boss in the face, but I probably won't, as I am far too lazy to walk all the way up the hill to Red Lobster. Oh well. 

Valentine's Day is a polarizing holiday. It tends to turn even the most sensible women into sappy bundles of sentiment, or alternately, into bitter, love-hating crones. There is little room for people like me who just genuinely love chocolate, glitter glue, and undue attention. Plus all they have on TV today are Lifetime movies starring Sally Field and shows about skanks getting married. Even on Food Network. Jeez. 

Well I've promised to escort Miss M to the Davie's Center for a much needed chocolate run so until we speak again: whether you are a crazy emotional mess or a loveless spinster, 

Happy Valentine's Day from all of us here at YuBainaGangsta (so just Mariah and Me)! 

May you all get laid,

Amen.

xoxo Hannah

On relationships and chainsaw dancing...

Poor Mariah! -and for the first (and hopefully last) time, no sarcasm is intended in that statement. I genuinely feel for my dear little roommate. Long distance relationships must suck immesurably. I know I couldn't keep one up; sustained soley by phone calls and Facebook, sleeping alone every night, constantly longing for the embrace of a tall, gangly Swede... I'd give up after about 4 and a half days. I don't have the emotional stamina that Mariah and Martin have. And I sincerly wish them the best....so that when they get married I can be a BRIDESMAID DAMMIT. Can wear a pretty dress and sit at the big table? Please? Think about it.

Anyway, the only qualm I have with Mariah's last post is this: what's wrong with making chainsaw noises, spandex and ballroom dancing 10 year olds? I'll tell you what's wrong: nothing, that's what. I'll have you know that after kittens, money, and 30 Rock, those are a few of my favorite things. In fact, I make chainsaw noises ALL THE TIME... WITH my boyfriend WHILE wearing spandex and watzing with a fourth grader. It's a hobby. So maybe think first before you imply that certain activities are undertaken only by those who are sad and alone and consider that maybe they are perfectly happy and just a bit odd. 

But you really should shave your legs darling. Remember I've got to see them everyday so let's not let ourselves go completely, eh?

xxoo Hannah

Conversation of the Day:

Jet- We kicked their asses FOUR times!

Me- But we've only played three games...

The Boy- And only won two...

Jet- But that's what I'm SAYING. We won FIVE games you guys! I want a REMATCH!

Me- Jet... I don't know how to say this gently, but are you familiar with the order of numbers?

Jet- Fuck you Tori! We won EIGHT games! 

Me- Out of three...

Jet- Hannah, I want you to have this: (*gives hug*).  We are the greatest team EVER.  

The Boy- Yeah you are.

Moral of story- Screw math. Numbers are whatever we want them to be. 

"That Ain't Right, It's got 5/5 with Bushido and Shit."

I Hannah, Destroyer of souls, Breaker of hearts, am dating a nerd.  A full fledged Magic card playing, D & D dice owning, Risk loving nerd. A boy who has on one occasion woken up early to eat Fruit Loops and watch Star Wars: The Clone Wars on Cartoon Network. 

Sometimes, at 2:00pm-2:05pm (the time slot I usually use to ponder life's great mysteries) I sit and wonder to myself how this happened. How have I stayed in a happy relationship for 3 months with someone who I would have cheerfully mocked to extinction in high school? It usually comes down to my shameful addiction to kittens. And also I was never informed about this aspect of his lifestyle at the start of our courtship. I mean I told him about the time I got drunk at a play about the Holocaust and stole latex gloves from the bathroom. Quid pro quo, Boy. I ought to know these things.

But actually in all honesty it's not all bad. I've learned to ignore The Boy's disturbing knowledge of text based RPG games and to concentrate on his more positive attributes. Like his cute ass and ownership of not one, but two adorable kittens.  Actually, now that I think about it he has a lot of good characteristics; he laughs at my jokes, he's intelligent and capable of holding an interesting conversation, and most importantly he understands my particular brand of crazy and rarely looks at me strangely when I ask things like "How can a pitcher of Koolade get off?"

Hmmm... I've thought about it, made a pros and cons list, and I have decided that I like The Boy. And I will make this confession: I was once a nerd too. I grew out of it, THANK GOD, but in middle school it was an undenyable fact that I was not very cool. I confess:

*I have played to completion both Baulder's Gate 1 and 2 as well as Icewind Dale 

* What the hell, I also did all the Tomb Raiders, and Half Lifes and would have played F.E.A.R. if it didn't scare me so much

* I loved the book Ender's Game

* I think Han Solo is hot

* I secretly wish I were Storm from the X-Men so I could wear that sweetass catsuit and electrocute bad guys

*Airsoft is kind of fun

Whew. Feels good to get that off my chest.

xxoo Hannah

Hi, I'm hannah

Hannah is too busy with hanging out with her boys who don't have real names, making brownies and watching 30 Rock to even bother to update everyone on her life. Here is what hannah is up to.

1) Class

2) Sleep

3) Class

4) Sleep

5) Eat

6) Sitting in my room

7) Going out

xoxox

H (as M)