WILDCATS!

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Reader Discretion Advised

I'm bored. Mariah is sitting next to me giggling to herself like a little school girl as she skypes       (word?) with Martin but I have nothing to do until later so now I am BORED and it HURTS. So I will make a list, as I usually do at times like this, and then I will dip pretzels in Nutella and stuff them into my mouth until I find something more productive to do with my time.

Today's List- Foreign Swear Words/Fun Phrases

1. Kanula din rumpa- Only the Swedish can make "fuck your ass" sound so gosh darn adorable.

2. Hibitchku- Cunt in Serbian

3. Suka/Hui- Bitch/ Dick or fuck in Russian

4. Ich wil ficken- I will fuck- German (You can respond to this in a few ways. One would be to yell "Ja! Zieh die Hosen aus!" (Yes! Take off your pants!) and jump the person. Another would be to scream "Ich bin doch noch Jungfrau!" (But I am still a virgin!) and scamper away.

5. Verdammte Scheiffe! Jetzt ist mir der Praser geplatzt.- German- God damn it! My rubber burst.

6. If your life was a novel, then after #4 and 5 the narrator would probably say something like: "Nach der schnellen Nummer in den buschen, konnte man deutlich die Hobbyflecken auf seiner Hose sehen." (After the quicky in the bushes, you could clearly see the semen stains on his pants.)

7. And in one last show of how cute the Swedish are with everything, including pussy biting, "Jag vill bita din fitta."

Enjoy

xxoo Hannah

 

Dear Stress, F U. Love, Hannah

Can't a girl play a simple game of Scrabble without having to help lug a strange German no one knows, nearly brain dead from a mysterious drug, to the hospital at 4 in the God Damn morning? Whilst having to deal with finals, Christmas shopping, and losing a roommate/werewolf (miss you Suwda baby!), you'd think that the Gods of Unloading Heaps of Shit on People could find it in their cold, black hearts to give a girl a bit of a break on a Friday night. But NOOOOO, that would be too easy. 

Anyway, in light of current events, and since the end of the semester is upon us, here are a few of the most important lessons I have learned in my first semester of college:

1. Never underestimate the intoxicating power of Absolut.

2. It is possible to subsist for months soley on turkey subs and Dr. Pepper. You probably shouldn't, but you can.

3. Kittens are the best therapy.

4. Find people to stand by you and hold on to them with all your heart. Mariah, Suwda, and David, I could not have survived without you.

5. Mellow Yellow is "a lifestyle, not a beverage." But Mountain Dew is

 still better.

6. "Friends keep score." 

7. Sometimes first impressions are wrong. Take people as they come and be pleasantly surprised. 

8. Family is super imortant.

9. Magic The Gathering is the single worst thing to happen to humanity. It is like heroin for nerds.

 

And of course, the most important of all lessons, the one statement I shall base the core of my existance on for the rest of my life (or at least for the whole of next semester):

10. At the heart of every crisis, somewhere, if you look hard enough, there is a German.

xoxo Hannah

 

NEW POLL

I'm too busy to write a blog, but I'm not busy to have a poll...... look at this picture and vote on your right!!!

LOVE

M

"Happens."

                "Zieh deine Hosen aus!"

"You give me 5 minutes!"

Mariah and I got bored- as we tend to do every single god damn night- so we did what any normal mature collegiate young ladies would do in a similar situation. We stole Tim The German's shirt and took pictures pretending to be him.

According to Mariah, if Tim were a chick he would be a hure..."Making her way across the border to sell her body." - Rizky 

He would also look remarkably similar to me. 

xxoo Hannah

P.S. Check out the ghostly orb on my boot. OooooooooOOOOooooo....

Academic Hangover

Today I suffer from an academic hangover which I define as the following:

The state of being so sick and tired from the bullshit of homework/studying/essays/tests that you physically and emotionally are unable to preform as well as a regular day

see: alcohol hangover

I don't remember much of the day, just the droning voices of my professors very much Charlie Brown style telling me important stuff about the UN, Anomalies, Revolutions and various other portions of academic mumble jumble.

The best part of my day was when Tim, the dashingly handsome German, innocently mistook Exxon Mobile for a phone company. (sorry Tim, the dashingly handsome part is so you won't hate me).... The thing is, I never thought about it like that, I guess I would think it was a phone company too if I didn't know that Exxon mobile was Satan's company pulling in record profits as it slowly eats away at our country's soul in the form of oil....

It's right up there with Wal-Mart and their amazing low prices.

Now I must figure out what my Jew project will be....

peace out gangstas.

M

p.s. I hate those goddamn bells!