How I Meet People

Last night I had a dream. I discovered that all of the drawers and cabinets in my room had been stuffed with bags of different brands of multi-grain bread. I panicked because I didn't know which bread was the freshest, as these are the sorts of things I worry about when faced with absurd scenarios.

After I awoke I headed to Research Methods class where the girl who sits next to me had the audacity to inquire as to why I was typing "dream bread significance" into Google.

I told her. She told me that last night she dreamed she was babysitting a girl who rolled a Kraft Single into a joint and smoked it. Now we are friends.



xoxo Hannah

P.S. According to the internet, dreaming about bread means your are either going to make a lot of money or be plagued by children who will drain your resources.

The Hills are Alive (Pt. 1)

Did you know: that Austrians are just like any other people, only taller and more environmentally conscious? It's true, I know some.

 J-Dawg's sister Katharina has come to our humble city from the great nation of Austria to visit her brother and find out exactly what our country has to offer. So far the terrible cafeteria food, cold weather, and jet lag (not America's fault) have probably put a damper on this Great American Odyssey, but Mariah and I have planned to help Katharina have the grandest experience possible and we will do everything in our power to insure that she has a lovely time.

I mean we already made sure she felt right at home by immediately singing the universally known Austrian Song of Friendship (The theme from The Sound of Music) outside her door before dinner.

Mariah sang so longingly that there were music notes on the wall! Wow. Look at that!

Later, we further introduced Katharina to our strange and beautiful culture by making her watch Rock of Love with Brett Michaels and half of Tropic Thunder. USA! USA!

And just to show that we care, Mariah and I asked before we started taking pictures of J-Dawg and Kat in their cute matching t-shirts.

"Do something Austrian!" Aren't they cute? Unfortunately Mariah started acting up and Johannes had to restrain her. Don't be a tourist Mariah, this is your country.

Stay tuned for Pt.2 of our many part series ,The Hills Are Alive, and learn more about our gentle brothers (and sisters) in Austria.

xoxo Hannah

Dear Stress, F U. Love, Hannah

Can't a girl play a simple game of Scrabble without having to help lug a strange German no one knows, nearly brain dead from a mysterious drug, to the hospital at 4 in the God Damn morning? Whilst having to deal with finals, Christmas shopping, and losing a roommate/werewolf (miss you Suwda baby!), you'd think that the Gods of Unloading Heaps of Shit on People could find it in their cold, black hearts to give a girl a bit of a break on a Friday night. But NOOOOO, that would be too easy. 

Anyway, in light of current events, and since the end of the semester is upon us, here are a few of the most important lessons I have learned in my first semester of college:

1. Never underestimate the intoxicating power of Absolut.

2. It is possible to subsist for months soley on turkey subs and Dr. Pepper. You probably shouldn't, but you can.

3. Kittens are the best therapy.

4. Find people to stand by you and hold on to them with all your heart. Mariah, Suwda, and David, I could not have survived without you.

5. Mellow Yellow is "a lifestyle, not a beverage." But Mountain Dew is

 still better.

6. "Friends keep score." 

7. Sometimes first impressions are wrong. Take people as they come and be pleasantly surprised. 

8. Family is super imortant.

9. Magic The Gathering is the single worst thing to happen to humanity. It is like heroin for nerds.

 

And of course, the most important of all lessons, the one statement I shall base the core of my existance on for the rest of my life (or at least for the whole of next semester):

10. At the heart of every crisis, somewhere, if you look hard enough, there is a German.

xoxo Hannah