3 Things that Should Appologize

1. Candy Hearts:

You taste like extra strength ibuprofrin if it was accidentally stored with fruit, and yet you have no pain releiving properties.  So tell me, what are you good for? 

Nothing. Just give up (especially you, banana flavored heart. You know why).

2. Girl who Took my Clothes Out of The Drier and Left them, Still Damp, on a Table,

If I were to organize an outline about my feelings for you it would look like this:

I. You are a bitch who should not do laundry.

A. There were two open dryers besides mine.

1. I totally opened your dryer up with 30 minutes left JUST TO SPITE YOU. 

a. I would have thrown my gum in there too but the flavor was not gone yet.

B.  Do you realize you wasted $1.75 washing four sweaters?

1. Are you retarded?

a. Yes you are.

3. Ice:

You made me fall down and hurt my knee. What gives you the right to be so slippery?

 

Letters of appology can be sent to my email or dorm address. 

xoxo (but not to YOU candy hearts, laundry girl, or ice)

 Hannah

Dear Stress, F U. Love, Hannah

Can't a girl play a simple game of Scrabble without having to help lug a strange German no one knows, nearly brain dead from a mysterious drug, to the hospital at 4 in the God Damn morning? Whilst having to deal with finals, Christmas shopping, and losing a roommate/werewolf (miss you Suwda baby!), you'd think that the Gods of Unloading Heaps of Shit on People could find it in their cold, black hearts to give a girl a bit of a break on a Friday night. But NOOOOO, that would be too easy. 

Anyway, in light of current events, and since the end of the semester is upon us, here are a few of the most important lessons I have learned in my first semester of college:

1. Never underestimate the intoxicating power of Absolut.

2. It is possible to subsist for months soley on turkey subs and Dr. Pepper. You probably shouldn't, but you can.

3. Kittens are the best therapy.

4. Find people to stand by you and hold on to them with all your heart. Mariah, Suwda, and David, I could not have survived without you.

5. Mellow Yellow is "a lifestyle, not a beverage." But Mountain Dew is

 still better.

6. "Friends keep score." 

7. Sometimes first impressions are wrong. Take people as they come and be pleasantly surprised. 

8. Family is super imortant.

9. Magic The Gathering is the single worst thing to happen to humanity. It is like heroin for nerds.

 

And of course, the most important of all lessons, the one statement I shall base the core of my existance on for the rest of my life (or at least for the whole of next semester):

10. At the heart of every crisis, somewhere, if you look hard enough, there is a German.

xoxo Hannah

 

...but I look like a librarian......

Hello All,

Today was just one of those days. Bedsides it being effing cold, windy, and actually snowing a bit, it's been a bit of a draining day.

I woke up for my lovely English class where we discussed vampires and how people find them erotic (?!?@?@), and also about people's obsession with anime and the twilight series. In my mind, I was banging my head against the wall.

I went back to my room and decided to take a nap, which was interrupted 5 times by the constant calling of Cecilia Bergsland. (sorry pfof, I would have answered but my phone was on the ground and I was too lazy to get it), I woke up for Geology where we talked about nothing I can remember. Earthquakes perhaps?

Then I had what I was dreading. An interview for a position in the library. Don't get me wrong, a small personal fantasy of mine is to work at a library, it's the interview part. I think the interviewer has a secret checklist and "Obnoxious" is always checked. I can see them judging me with their eyes.

This interview started off very rocky, because I couldn't even figure out how to even get behind the library circulation desk. Red flag number one. As the down hill spiral continued....
When ever I get nervous, as some of you may notice, I develop of chronic case of word vomit. It just keeps coming out and never makes sense and when I see them looking at me with their speculating librarian eyes, I just keep on talking until it all just falls apart. Maybe in the back of my mind I somehow thought if I just keep saying words, eventually I'd sound like a genius. Nope.

Well after the interview I thanked them for their time but realized I couldn't get my jacket to leave the chair.....

My scarf got caught on the wheels of my chair...... (Cue nervous laughter and a frantic me trying to get my scarf untangled.) When I finally did I said my awkward "No worries, I got it!" sentence and got out of there as fast as I could

Don't be looking for me behind the circulation desk any time soon folks.

Love your bumbling idiot friend,

M

Kai, You Should be Nicer to Me

Because tomorrow I am going with him for moral support as he suffers through a FIVE HOUR tattoo. That's FIVE HOURS Kai. FIVE HOURS of some heavily pierced, slightly stoned dude drilling needles into your back. And I will be in the SAME ROOM as the NEEDLES.  I might trip over a cord and hit the guy's hand while he's performing his art. Happens. I'm kind of clumsy Kai. Especially when I'm distracted by the slander you've been spewing about me, soiling my good name. I can find a new weird friend you know. One who won't call me a "wench" and force me to watch Star Wars rap. 

Think about it.

ooxx Hannah