3 Things that Should Apologize- Part II

Battlestar Galactica:

You are a blight on all mankind. Had we met under different circumstances maybe I could have tolerated you; perhaps I could have even seen past the science fiction-iness & appreciated all that wonderful character development I have been told you exhibit... yes... we could have been friends Battlestar, but you HAD to go there. Seducing my boyfriend with your robots and lasers and all that damn SPACE SHIT... dammit Battlestar Galactica, you are a heartless bitch! I mean, how can a normal girl compete with a fictional nuclear holocaust perpetrated by sexy human-robot things? Not even remotely possible. 

But there are only 6 seasons. And then Battlestar Galactica, like the cheap tramp of a television show you are, you will be back out on the streets, searching for the next nerd you can sell your sinful wares to. I hope you get herpes.

RuPaul:

I watched a few episodes of your new VH1 show, RuPaul's Drag Race. I couldn't help it. It's not that the concept of an America's Next Top Model meets Project Runway meets The Great Pretender search for "America's Next Drag Queen Superstar" particularly appealed to me at first; but when I heard you call for an impromptu "Vogue-off" competition for immunity, I was mesmerized. And then when you then took it to the next level, making your bottom two contestants "Lip sync for their LIVES" with your signature call of "DON'T FUCK IT UP!", it was officially too late for me; I couldn't change the channel.  Like a drug, your sequins, sassiness, and shameless self promotion of your ballin' new single "Covergirl (Put the Bass in Your Walk)" has me hooked. You and your girls are like heroin. Gay, bitchy heroin. 

And like heroin, I feel so guilty. I can't work up the courage to tell people, "What did I do on Saturday? I watched RuPaul's Drag Race. No big deal." 

Why did you do this to me RuPaul?! Please say you are sorry. I can't live like this anymore.

Precipitation:

Leave North Dakota alone! What did they ever do to YOU?! You devastate them with the worst flood in their history and then you throw in a blizzard... just to be sure everyone is suitably cold and wet enough. Precipitation, you better not show your face in Wisconsin or I'll make you wish you NEVER evaporated into the atmosphere.

xoxo Hannah