Who Ya Gonna call??

I'm writing my blog quite early today on this gorgeous Halloween morning because I doubt I will have time tonight. It's not even 10 o' clock, yet I have numerous reasons to love Halloween.

I just got done with my dreaded English class and I realized the people in there are even more..... well eccentric than I thought. Of course I realized they would dress up, but the thing is, with eccentric people you are never really sure what they are dressing up as. "Oh you know, I'm that one character from that one movie from that one country that you've never heard of" So here is what I thought they were.

A Pimpess, A Hooker, Girl with weird moving monkey thing on shoulder (pirate?), and judgmental anal people.

Best part, my professor asked this one girl what she was and she looked pissed and said "MYSELF". muahahahhahahahahh. He was red and started mumbling to himself and changed the subject. I about died.

So in our class we decided to talk about ghost stories instead of our normal over analitical nothingness. Crazy monkey girl talked about how she thinks one of her buildings is haunted and crazy hooker girl (who happens to be an older student like in her 40's), actually handed her a card because she is a paranormal investigator (#$*&#(&)) I think my mouth literally dropped open. That was both the coolest and oddest thing I have ever seen anyone do in an English class. I think my teacher was a little weirded out.

So class got done early and I headed to get some peach tea where I saw the most adorable little girls I have ever seen dressed like Peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches (which is not many, let me tell you). Each of them was a slice, and they were like 4 so it was adorable not creepy. I did get a bit annoyed when I had to follow them and their parents up the stairs which was the slowest I've ever gone in my life. Who would have thought having giant ass pieces of cardboard shaped bread attached to a small child would slow them down?

Oh and then I saw a guy dressed like a girl kiss another girl while eating spaghettios (lesbians?).

I LOVE HALLOWEEN!

love,
M

p.s. fix your damn fire alarms library!!!! 3 times in one day is 3 times too many if there isn't a FIRE!!

Sometimes I Do Things: The Terrifying Sequel

Now normally I would be writing a scathing counter-attack regarding Mariah's latest post with it's blatant disrespect for my complex and interesting life and complete disregard of my writing style (you call that a list, Mariah?! My dead cat writes better lists than you!), but after some careful reading, observation, and analysis I have come to conclude that she was actually pretty accurate. 

For the most part. 

But again I feel I have the duty to: a) display my list writing prowess, and b) remind you dear reader (because there is probably only one of you) that despite my outwardly "lazy" appearance, I do do things. Sometimes. When I feel like it.

1. I support the futbol (or in English: soccer) team. And if your definition of support is, as mine is, taking a bunch of pictures of yourself and completely ignoring the game because you only went because you were hoping to get pretzels afterward, then I am pretty much the most supportive fan you are going to find anywhere.

2. I make* strawberry cupcakes.

3. I return my rented movies on time. I even have a Bloc

kbuster membership card thingy and everything. See these? I returned these.

4. I find Suwda, Mariah, and J-Dawg interesting places to eat everything in sight at.

5. I do laundry on The Sabbath.

*make= Boy makes cupcakes, I preheat the oven

xxoo

Hannah

Hi, I'm hannah

Hannah is too busy with hanging out with her boys who don't have real names, making brownies and watching 30 Rock to even bother to update everyone on her life. Here is what hannah is up to.

1) Class

2) Sleep

3) Class

4) Sleep

5) Eat

6) Sitting in my room

7) Going out

xoxox

H (as M)

...but I look like a librarian......

Hello All,

Today was just one of those days. Bedsides it being effing cold, windy, and actually snowing a bit, it's been a bit of a draining day.

I woke up for my lovely English class where we discussed vampires and how people find them erotic (?!?@?@), and also about people's obsession with anime and the twilight series. In my mind, I was banging my head against the wall.

I went back to my room and decided to take a nap, which was interrupted 5 times by the constant calling of Cecilia Bergsland. (sorry pfof, I would have answered but my phone was on the ground and I was too lazy to get it), I woke up for Geology where we talked about nothing I can remember. Earthquakes perhaps?

Then I had what I was dreading. An interview for a position in the library. Don't get me wrong, a small personal fantasy of mine is to work at a library, it's the interview part. I think the interviewer has a secret checklist and "Obnoxious" is always checked. I can see them judging me with their eyes.

This interview started off very rocky, because I couldn't even figure out how to even get behind the library circulation desk. Red flag number one. As the down hill spiral continued....
When ever I get nervous, as some of you may notice, I develop of chronic case of word vomit. It just keeps coming out and never makes sense and when I see them looking at me with their speculating librarian eyes, I just keep on talking until it all just falls apart. Maybe in the back of my mind I somehow thought if I just keep saying words, eventually I'd sound like a genius. Nope.

Well after the interview I thanked them for their time but realized I couldn't get my jacket to leave the chair.....

My scarf got caught on the wheels of my chair...... (Cue nervous laughter and a frantic me trying to get my scarf untangled.) When I finally did I said my awkward "No worries, I got it!" sentence and got out of there as fast as I could

Don't be looking for me behind the circulation desk any time soon folks.

Love your bumbling idiot friend,

M

You Bet Your Tucchus

שלום

Here I am, watching 30 Rock by myself, in my pajamas, eating an entire meal of chocolate and other bad stuff. Seriously a whole meal:

2 twix funsize candy bars
2 pieces of nutella smothered bread
2 pieces of dove chocolate
1 ice cream cone w/ chocolate chips
1 small bowl of caramel

I think I may throw up at any moment.

So now I decided that I am officially the lamest person alive. Everyone is celebrating Thirsty Thursday, and I'm celebrating........ future spinsterhood.

Oh, and yes, I am planning to be a future Hasidic Jew.

Someone just literally knocked on my door and asked for a corkscrew.
DAMN YOU! How dare you rub your fun lives in my pajama clad face. Yes my shirt has a giant musky on it.. Gotta problem with it?

I hate this,

You bet your tucchus,

M

p.s. אני יהודי

Jag är inte lata, pumpa

Pros and Cons

In case you didn't know, when I am bored or stressed I make lists. Well this week I've taken to making pros and cons lists which I email to Mariah when I'm supposed to be working at my job.

So today I will share some pros and cons with you dear readers, just in case you are having trouble deciding between two or more things. You are welcome.

Narwhals-

Pros                                                                                         

* Look really cool                                                 

*Are quick, active mammals which                    

feed mainly on cod, squid, and shrimp                

* Tusks                                                                    

Cons

*Can't swim with them or you will be skewered as a kabob

*Beady, untrustworthy eyes

* Not tasty

 

Hand Towels

Pros                                                                                             

* Just the right size for hands                                                     

*Can also be used as a wash cloth

Cons

* Sometimes I mistake them for regular size towels and am

gravely disappointed post shower 

Scarves

Pros                                                                                     

* Keep my neck warm in winter                                                                                       

*Very useful when one is a Mighty Warrior    

* Are pretty

Cons

* Could get caught in an elevator door and kill me

*I find huge pieces of fabric enraging

Hope that helps.

xxoo Hannah

P.S. Kai would like you to know that narwhals were his idea.

NEW POLL

I'm too busy to write a blog, but I'm not busy to have a poll...... look at this picture and vote on your right!!!

LOVE

M

And Next- "Laser Mission II: The Second Laser Mission"

  

For years I thought I was happy. I  lived in a comfortable home with loving parents, I wore the finest of clothes, I watched the finest of shows, and I had an awesome cat who could fetch. But this Friday my world was shaken. For on this night I had the chance to experience a little film called Laser Mission in all it's low budget, badly written, anti-Soviet glory, and I realized that I had never known true happiness until then. 

Tagline: His assignment: Find the world's most dangerous laser weapon or take the heat. Her assignment: Turn up the heat. 

Hells yes.

This work of cinematic genius follows Agent Michael Gold (portrayed flawlessly by Brandon Lee) as he and some blonde chick with a huge rack roam Africa in a bus killing black people, Russians, an Australian, some inexplicable Cubans, but let's face it, mostly black people, in a quest to get a big diamond and prevent the Soviets from destroying capitalism with- get this- LASERS. interestingly enough, there are no lasers in this movie.

Here are some choice quotes from my new favorite film:

Inexplicably Cuban Guard: [to Michael Gold] Ha-ha they're going to cut off your head mañana. 

Prof. Braun: You see, with the Varbeek diamond and my laser, I can create a nuclear weapon. (It's just that easy.)

Alissa: I'm Alissa Braun. How do you think I am? I'm hot, I'm tired, I'm hungry and I'm thirsty and I'm walking around in these high heels all day and I have blisters on my feet! And quit asking me such stupid questions, all right? And let me tell you something else, buster, you're not my idea of a dream date! You asshole! 
Michael Gold: That's Mr. Asshole to you. (Buuuurrrrrrnnnnn)

Dear reader, If I can impart one thing to you during my time here on Earth, I'd like it to be this: a life without Laser Mission is an empty one. 

xxoo Hannah

*Insert Expletive Here !@#!@@#@#*

Picture this.... I'm sound asleep dreaming of far away places when I hear banging on my door and my name being yelled by two very distinct accents, that of the German region. Well I assume something is wrong so I climb out of bed and go to the door in hurry.

There I find a piss drunk German and Austrian saying "LET VUS IN!!!!!" (of course just like that with their German accents)

Well here I am, disheveled as hell, in my pajamas, no make up on, and extremely tired and having to deal with a god damn German invasion. The following is actual dialogue.

"Mariah!! dkljfdlkjf dklj (incoherent mumbling/German?), we need to come in! Aren't you watching the movie?? it's only 11:30, vhy are vu sleeping?"

"YOU DIRTY BASTARDS, ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!?! I HAVE TO GET UP AT 8!!! It's 3 in the fucking morning!!"

"Ov, maviah, it's only 11:30, we are coming in!"

At that point these insurgents decided to push past me and make a nest for themselves on my floor, but not before Insurgent 1, let's call him..... Tim, licks my hand repeatedly like a puppy and proceeds to smack my ass about 5 times while pulling me on top of him and Insurgent 2, let's call him Johannes, decides to take pictures of random things.

After a while of me swearing at them and explaining how I was going to murder them, I decided to talk to Martin the swede to calm me down. He explained that I should just leave them be and go to sleep, meanwhile Cecilia bff pfof told me I should get even. "Dress them up like ABBA!"

This is the point where I decided that I was going to get these bastards back by getting Hannah's camera and taking pictures of them basically spooning on my floor then writing about it on here!

So I went into suwda and Hannah's room, got the camera went back into the room and proceeded to take pictures. Only interrupted by Tim saying things in German in his sleep along the lines of "popo sex".

So here are some pictures..... Enjoy!

with all the love that I can manage,

M

p.s. thank you pumpa, you saved me!

God Damn Isotopes...

In contrast to Mariah's noble white-Oprah fantasies,  I aspire to be a whiney bitch, so here is a list of things that Hannah finds irritating:

1. Drunk guys in red who grab my ass.

2. Holding a meeting about which type of folder should house the all important user review sheets when one could just as easily pick a damn folder.

3. The lady at the sub shop who asks me if I want turkey and when I say yes gives me ham- an inferior meat.

4. Being awake.

5. The fact that people only call me when I'm in chemistry or asleep.

6. Isotopes. Decide on a uniform number of neutrons already! Damn atoms pissing me off.

7. Dirt and things in it.

8. People who look like people I know from behind and then when I yell at them they turn around and are someone completely different and then they give me this annoyed look like it's MY fault that they are Hannah's-friends-posers.

9. Cauliflower. What ARE you?

10. My RA.

A Few of Mariah's Favorite Things...

Since I aspire to be the white version of Oprah, I decided that if she can have a whole special on her "favorite things", then by gosh darn it, I can have a whole blog post.

A Few of Mariah's Favorite Things... (in no particular order)

1. Hot Chocolate on a Snowy Day

2. Saying "your mom" as a comeback to anything. i.e. "How did you do on the test?" " Your mom is a test"

3. Having chats about celery farmers with Hannah Montana

4. Giving nicknames to regular customers at my job i.e. "Drunken Judy and Captain Bob, Pink Shirt Peter and Half-his-age Dawn"

5. Giraffes and every aspect of them

6. My Swedes Cecilia and Martin. ( I love you BFF PFOF and pumpa)

7. The last half of the song "Mariella" by Kate Nash

8. Scarves

9. Having the World represented in my friend circle (Germany, Austria, Mongolia, Sweden, Serbia, China, Brazil, Spain, New Zealand, etc and so on, oh and of course AMERICA)

10. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream

11. naps in the afternoon

12. Bridget Jone's Diary only for Mark Darcy. (because "nice boys do really kiss like that")

13. Watching ABBA music videos on youtube

14. Flying on Big Airplanes and making 7 hour friends

15. Pretending I'm Jewish

The Riz Master

Hannah and I would like to introduce you all to our dear friend Rizky. He has the sweetest blog, besides ours of course, and we would like to spread the joy we feel when we read his deep thoughts about being a bad ass.

http://southsideinnorthside.blogspot.com/

"Ladies and Gentleman, let me tell you about this man. He is the one and only the best one in this topic. Many have looked upon him. Without futher due, may I present you THe..Riz..Maissteerrrr... " - the great Rizky Hadi

Seriously, you won't regret checking this out.

keep it real,

H & M

Don't Make me Raise My Pimp Hand to you Bitches

Whoever is spewing this hateful slander doubting the obscurity of Mariah's posts, I advise you to stop lest I bludgeon you to death with your own ripped off arm.

She is plenty obscure and I love her.

xxoo Hannah

Obscure? I'll give you obscure

I have received feedback that my blogging wasn't "obscure" enough, while hannah's was. Well I'll give you obscure. buckle your seat belts ladies and gentlemen, you are now riding the obscure express...

Camels are like the giraffes special, less gifted cousin.

That's all I got.

Ok, back to my plain 'ol boring blog,

This weekend was quite an eventful one. Hannah and I experienced all types of cultures and even managed to get a free meal out of the deal. We attended the annual International dinner which was wonderful. We even met people from Uzbekistan, (which is now my new favorite 'stan' country and not that I had a favorite one before), and they managed to tell us they thought the cha cha slide was our "national dance".

We went to a '70's party on Saturday, that was cool too, especially watching rizky follow squirrels and insist hannah and I make "sexy poses by the tree".

All in all, the weekend was a success, besides the fact that I did absolutely nothing homework wise.

I'm sorry my blogs are not as entertaining as Hannah's. I guess I'm inferior in that sense.

Rambo

Random Fact: The song Super Freak by Rick James always makes me laugh.

love, peace, and all that jazz,

M

p.s. my google language setting is on "pirate", take that naysayers.

pumpa pumpa pumpa

Leaf or Blade of Grass?

Things I have learned the past few days:

1. Martin Andersson will buy me a pirate. (size 3)

2. Uzbekistan thinks that the Cha Cha Slide is America's national dance.

3. Brazilians are EVERYWHERE.

4. "You know bigfoot? He's nice."- Rafa

5. Rafa can't fit through the bars on the side of the bridge. We did an experiment.

6. Jamie is a "little Welsh boy" and he walks like a gay raptor when he's drunk.

7. Sam's Club has BAGS IN BOXES!

8. Rizky Hadi is the most amazing name ever... and he looks so cute in his little suit.

9. Sam steals his roommate's cologne.

10. Leaf beats blade of grass. Hands down.

11. Falcons make great fire alarms.

12. Suwda can eat 7 Mongolian dumpling things. At once.

xxoo Hannah

Futbol, football, soccer, your mom

So I should be finishing my essay that's due, well in 3 hours and I only am half way through... but I decided to write this blog.

So I'm sitting in the library and I plugged my headphones in like I always do and I went to my usual radio computer station, when bam

"@*@#@$##!@@$@# TUPAC FOR LIFE, hoes and bitches @#@ N****** f*** for life!!!"

I forgot that we were listening to Tupac last night at the highest volume possible. So literally everyone around me in the library heard that music blasting through my headphones, since I had to take them off if I wanted to save my hearing.

That was embarrassing.

Last night hannah and I went to the International Soccer team's game against some American team. I felt like a traitor on the international side... Hannah didn't have a problem.

My head cheered for my international friends, my heart is All-American.
My body took a nap because soccer is boring as hell if it's not World cup.
and only world cup because of that guy in the picture above... Fernando Torres.

sorry guys. GREAT JOB! .... I hear you won?.. Just kidding


ok ok ok. Hannah and I should have more stories after this weekend full of awkwardness.

so much love,

M

Jag saknar dig älskling

"Happens."

                "Zieh deine Hosen aus!"

"You give me 5 minutes!"

Mariah and I got bored- as we tend to do every single god damn night- so we did what any normal mature collegiate young ladies would do in a similar situation. We stole Tim The German's shirt and took pictures pretending to be him.

According to Mariah, if Tim were a chick he would be a hure..."Making her way across the border to sell her body." - Rizky 

He would also look remarkably similar to me. 

xxoo Hannah

P.S. Check out the ghostly orb on my boot. OooooooooOOOOooooo....

Mariah has "Explored" Foreign Lands...

She is "familiar" with geography. She knows the "altitude" of certain peaks. She's had her hand in a few foreign policy "issues". We all know what kind of "business" she does overseas.... 

Here she is boasting about her environmental activism and the importance of the stock market.

I tried to post this yesterday but for some reason it was moved to a post from the 30th >:(

P.S. Jesus would drink cocaine. And I would too. 

In the name of the Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

xxoo Hannah

Would Jesus Drink Cocaine.. Yes

So cecilia sent me a card today full of the most random things I've ever seen in my life. That's where the blog title comes from. There was a post it note with Jesus on it that has a title "would jesus do it?" with little boxes that say "yes", "no", "maybe", and "hell no". She decided to write "Drink cocaine with Jesus" on there.

She also wrote "Come to Sweden or ABBA will come and kill you!"

This is why I love her, and why she is my best friend.

Anyways, I also think we should sell Texas to Mexico.
Maybe I'm just venting because one of my Poly sci profs is from there and I swear she is out to make my life and anyone else's a living hell.
shame on you Texas, shame on you.

I feel like I'm doing bad in all my classes, probably because I am. I did bad on my Jew quiz, that shit was hard. Really, and I only got 3 wrong, but they were worth so much.

Oh new development from over the weekend. I found out who the owner was of this popular restaurant from my town. Her and her husband and this guy always come in and eat at my restaurant I work at, I have nicknames for them of course (like I do all my favorites). Crazy Albanian woman is what I call her, because A. She might be crazy. B. I think she's from Albania. I don't know.
Anyway, she owns this restaurant and I never knew it. I think it's because one time she came in with her albanian friends (I think), and was like "The Jews are responsible for all the wars..... ohhh I love Lenny Kravitz"...

Now, the Jews are my people, so that is why she is crazy.

She left me a huge tip and I forgive her.

Oh, last night I told hannah that I had an International relations test today and she said I quote, in a sexy, seductive voice.
"oh you have lots of expericence in international relations.." hahaha
this is why I love her too


ok. back to work

love love love
M

I Can Field Dress A Moose

I refuse to dignify Hannah's blog with a response because she is

Dreckige hure


ANYWAYS, I'm going home this weekend to party it up Cranberry style. For those of you who do not know. I'm from the raving party town of Stone Lake where every first weekend of October we celebrate the miserable excuse for food, the Cranberry.

So I'm keeping this blog short, I won't go into details about last night where I lost all my dignity dressed up like Sarah Palin saying how I could see Russia from my yard.

keep logging to see if Hannah actually ever posts them.

Peace out gangstas,

M

p.s. I love hannah and suwda!

Sometimes I do Things

As I read Mariah's posts, I get the feeling that she's painting a slightly exaggerated portrait of our lives.  She's all like "Woe is me, I have to write Jew papers and read hard books and all Hannah does is take naps, eat, and watch Arrested Development." Well you know what Mariah? I do stuff too. Check it:

I do Suwda's hair and coach her on her singing (not to mention I have to deal with THIS every full moon)

I also do homework. Here is a picture of me doing it. I doubt Mariah has such photographic evidence of her so-called academic toils.

Yesterday I was a Mighty Warrior and I defended my dorm from invaders...Huns Beware!

I'm a good friend too; I'd even venture to say that I'm a better friend than Mariah. I braved rain and chilly weather to support Kai as he got his HUGE tattoo. I even deleted most of the embarrassing pictures I took of him wincing and crying in pain. That is what a good friend I am.

Wanna know what Mariah does all day?

This.

xxoo Hannah

Cansei de Ser Sexy

I think 3, 6 Mafia said it best when they stated "It's hard of here for a pimp".

What that has to do with the rest of my blog... I don't know.

Today was a normal, dull day full of nothingness. I went to my English class where we were assigned a project that has me a little nervous. It's called "design your own monster." (sounds like we are in a special class for 3rd graders), but the thing is, it's pretty difficult. This project is like a month long process involving papers and essays, and thinking. bleh.

The worst part has to be that our monster has to be something related to our major. SHIT. That's exactly what my brain screamed when I realized half my class is either a Journalism major or worse... an English major. So what am I supposed to do for my freakishly odd Political Science major. Someone asked me that exact same question..

"so what are you thinking of doing...?" -person in my geo class after me explaining situation

"erm, I don't know, I was thinking of maybe a (insert bad Dracula voice here) a Re-BLOOD-ican, someone who feeds off the souls of young liberals and makes everyone in its presence want to buy a gun and join the NRA" -me

"yeah, cool" - geo person goes back to shuffling through papers.


So you can see my dilemma. if you have any ideas.. tell me!

I did have a nap today! yay! since I didn't get to go see Howard Dean due to lack of transportation. Oh well, if it's not his speech about going to the white house, then I don't want any of it.

So after geo class I went and had lunch with Katarina, my roommate, and got a text from Tim the German.
"Where r u? I am bored. Wanna hang out?" which is code for, "entertain me with your stupid stories in the library" So I went to the library where I found him half asleep on the tables listening to that one song about doing it like mammals on the discovery channel.. (seriously Tim?) So I entertained him with my silly American stories for about a half an hour before he left and I was stuck alone actually faced with homework.

Yep, nothing got done.

So I had dinner with Hannah where we talked about nothing as usual, mostly about which people would make cute babies together, seemingly a hobby of ours, then proceeded to see a gang of boys outside our dorm. They were supposedly supporting Homecoming but more so looking like a gang out of the West Side Story.

Now here I am, writing 2 papers on the Jews due tomorrow. One in which I will wow my professor (who looks like Dustin Hoffman) with a my project which I have chosen to write on the incredibly accurate depiction of his people called "Fiddler of the Roof". Yes I am that cool

Oh, and Martin (who I will refer to as Swedish boy), is going to Finland this weekend and sending me a postcard from Helsinki which brings me to the title of this blog. Look up the song "Left Behind" by CSS.

Jag saknar dig

AND I can say "You are a Dirty Pirate whore" in german now!!!

ok, back to the Pharisees.

lots of love and peace to my gangsters,
M

p.s. Cansei de Ser Sexy is Portuguese for "tired of being sexy". story of my life