Dear Martin ( a love letter),

I remember the very moment I fell in love with you. It was the same time you walked in the room for the first time.

Jag älskar dig

Now look how far we have come. We went from never knowing if we would ever see each other again to moving in together.

It's one thing to imagine moving across the ocean, leaving everything you know behind for love, and a very different one to act upon that idea. I told you everything happens for a reason and if we were patient good things would come our way.

So here we are.

Life is a series of coincidences, and I have enjoyed every one that has brought me closer to you.

It hasn't been easy. I have been mean. I have been insensitive. I have been selfish. I have reached terrible lows without you here with me and it is still not over.

but you, darling, you have been perfect. You have been kind and gentle, and so very patient with me. You are beautiful.

I truly believe you were made for me. I mean who else could get my jokes and deal with my incredible stubbornness? You mean everything to me.

Who knows what the future will bring, but I know I won't fear it as long as you are there holding my hand all the way.

I love you till the end.

Mariah

Dear Cecilia,

I miss you.

You are in China and this greatly bothers me for a number of reasons.

1.) You are even further away from me than when you are in Sweden.

2.) China will overtake America economically, and as an American, I dislike this.

3) I worry about your well being since I know from personal experiences, I'm always hungry only an hour after eating Chinese food.

4.) China likes Cuba. (not that I dislike Cubans, but my government has it pretty well spelled out)

5.) I hear they don't have pretzels in Asia, from my Japanese friend, and pretzels are my favorite food.

6.) I'm worried you look like a circus freak among the Chinese people.

7.) two words: BIRD FLU

8.) Youtube is censored in China and you cannot watch the Naked Swedish Crispbread dancers

9.) You have no conception of time zones and you always end up calling me at 6 a.m. my time drunk with techno music blaring.

10) Did I mention you are far away from me?

As a child I was led to believe if I dug a hole deep enough I would end up in China, I wish I never grew out of that mindset.

We need to fix this situation soon because I need you when I'm in Svenksa land as my cultural interpreter.

Come home to me friend.

Love Love

M

Oh the Perils of 5th Grade

Today I was reading an informational pamphlet my 9 year old sister wrote about her favorite cause, going green. I was soaking up all the information about recycling and saving energy- I was surprised to learn that "in the old days energy wasn't invented yet and so there was no pollution."- when I started thinking. Not just about how great it would be to go back to the carefree days before man created all this damn energy, but also about how I was at her age and how different my worries are now. Thankfully I'd brought the journal I kept in the 5th and 6th grade with me to college, just in case I felt reminiscent. Here are some highlights:

Most Embarrassing Moment

 "Oh my God! Mom was dropping me off at school and I got my BOOT stuck in a BUCKET! It was the worst thing EVER!"-  Age 10 

To think there was a time when the absolute worst, most shaming thing that could happen to a kid was to get their boot stuck in a bucket. Is that even bad? Judging from my use of capital letters and exclamation points, it was.

Current most embarrassing moment: In 7th grade geography my pad leaked profusely through my khaki pants, everyone saw, and I hid in the bathroom till my Dad came to bring me new clothes. I don't think anything could make me feel more embarrassed than that.

Nickname

In 5th grade it was decided by a lunchroom council that everyone in my group of friends should have a code name, presumably so we could communicate with each other secretly while also sounding really, really cool. I was told my name would be "Sketch" because "I am really good at drawing." 

Oddly enough, nowadays I instinctively avoid people named Sketch. 

Biggest Annoyance

"(my sister) Ellyn is such a BRAT! Every time she starts a fight I get blamed for it because I'm older.... She threw a spoon at me!"- Age 10

Ellyn would later graduate from spoons to measuring cups, to a sloppy joe before we realized that we didn't really know what we were fighting about and became friends. I haven't had any kitchen utensils thrown at me for quite some time.

Current Biggest Annoyance: The fact that today I bought a box of pop tarts and immediately felt the same way that I would if I splurged and purchased a $200 sweater. I'm so poor.

xoxo Hannah

Names I'm Not Allowed to Call Martin

Today Martin set up some ground rules for names I am not allowed to call him in public. They are the following:

1. Wiener

2. Squirt Head

3. Lamp Fucker

4. Dinosaur Mother

5. Son, Uncle, Dad, Father, Grandpa or any other name that implies that less than 16 generations separate us from being related. (I am allowed to call him sunshine as long as I pronounce it with a French accent.)

Amendment to List:

1. Pengwienie (the combination of penguin and wienie which implies he is a penguin's genitalia)


Love Love

M

Dear Door,

I knew this morning that when I left for the bathroom at 7 a.m. that I didn't remember my combination to you... but the wind blew you shut before I could rethink my potty decision.

I came back to you after the bathroom and the code didn't work. I tried for 50 minutes! almost near tears because I was tired, nothing made you budge.

I went to the front desk in my pjs asking for a key to let me in, they had nothing.

Thank God my RA came out of the bathroom and helped me with a master key to let me in.

She told me to fill out a maintenance request to have you fixed but I had a feeling it wasn't you who was at fault.

I called Hannah(who was not in the room) at 7:53 to check what our combination was.

I was doing the wrong one, door.

Love Love,

M

Dear America,

I don't know what is up with you.

It's like you want me to leave.

First the Daily Show goes to Sweden,

Now my beloved Bear Grylls and Will Ferrell?????

http://socialitelife.celebuzz.com/archive/2009/04/24/will_ferrell_enjoys_urine_reindeer_eyeballs_with_bear_grylls.php

Ok, I'll leave already.


Love Love

M

p.s. by now, I mean August, I need to make some money first America.

Videos You Must Watch

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=225113&title=the-stockholm-syndrome

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=225126&title=the-stockholm-syndrome-pt.-2

The Daily Show goes to Sweden!


oh and here are naked boys

http://www.thelocal.se/19000/20090421/

love love

M

Dear Marie from the Swedish Embassy,

You wrote me today saying I was APPROVED for my Residence Permit!!!!!

Thank you so much Marie.

Love Love,
M

Shell Discovery Rocks Playground

H&M has received information from a credible source that a small shell has been found sometime this morning on an Eau Claire playground.

"I found this shell with Frank and Peter at school!" shouted our excitable three year old source, proudly holding said shell aloft as one might an Olympic torch. Upon initial investigation the shell appeared brownish/grayish in color, was about the size of a chess pawn, exhibited a spiralled cone shape, and was most likely constructed from calcium carbonate secreted from the mantle of a freshwater snail. 

We were unable to gather more information about the discovery, as our source needed to go potty, but the source's father later confirmed that "Yes, Frank and Peter are your friends at school."

xoxo Hannah

Dear BFF Tim the German,

Today you wrote on my Facebook wall that you would like me to write blogs for you to read during class, instead of listening about Martin Luther King Jr.

Well Tim, MLK is a very important figure in American History, and I very much dislike the fact that you would rather not listen.


..... but since you insist.......

Here is a blog about your favorite subject in the world.
Prude Americans.

So Tim, yesterday I was in my History of Photography class and I was to make a group presentation of Photography in Advertising. My section was "Marketing to Women".

Picture this, a movie theater size screen, half of which is dedicated to our powerpoint. My turn finally arrives, and I did very well, people were laughing all the time and I even got to use a laser pointer!

I put up a giant picture of David Beckham's underwear ad and made a joke about how I just wanted to see it on the big screen. I also ended my presentation in front of a women with a vibrator. Everyone loved it!

but then we got our class critique papers in which our classmates wrote what they thought.

Everyone loved me except one girl,

she wrote my pictures were too shocking.

Tim, this makes me so happy! Finally, I am considered edgy.

but... probably not edgy enough in doucheland.
(Did you know that dusch is shower in Swedish? I don't mean douche like shower, I mean douche like something old women use to clean out their you-know-whats.)

So Tim, I miss you and I hope you are having fun in class and maybe you should try listening.
After all, he had a dream.

Love Love
M