The sheet they sent me says that you are from the same small town as my dear Mariah. I asked her if she had heard any horrible things about you, but she hadn't. She hadn't heard anything at all about you actually, but I googled you and since no headlines about serial rapists, contagious diseases, or pooping popped up, I have decided to be cautiously optimistic.
Since we are to share a tiny, confined space for at least 4 months, here are some helpful tips to help us get along better:
1. Please try your very hardest to stay in peak mental and physical condition. I will occasionally hide in corners and jump out at you unexpectedly to test your reflexes.
2. Have a sense of humor. Can you do a good Sarah Palin impression? What is your stance on poop jokes? Do you know the lyrics to and appreciate the comic genius of the Altoona Family Restaurant song? Please review these items over the next few months.
3. Don't be a skank. If I witness you having sex in our room, I cannot be held liable for throwing up in your backpack, in your dresser drawer, and probably also on your bed although I may need to take a break to eat something in between.
4. Hygiene: it's not just important, it feels great too.
If you have any weird quirks like allergies, phobias, or words that trigger psychotic outbursts, do let me know ASAP. I'd like to be prepared before hand.
xoxo Hannah
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