1. I love comment cards in the cafeteria! Even if they did censor my racy ode to coconut rice.
2. Pie charts are more true than words but less true than graphs.
3. There is never a situation pressing enough that it merits waking me up before 10 am.
4. Mentos really are the Freshmaker.
5. Female stick figures wear clothes. Male stick figures wear hats. NOT CLOTHES.
6. Putting your hands over your head and lying on the floor will probably not prevent you from being crushed by a falling building.
7. My cat is super bad ass. See?
8. Mariah makes an awesome Sarah Palin.
9. If you didn't want me to call you one, then you shouldn't have cut in front of me at the sandwich shop you FAT SLUT.
10. I am shamefully inept at creating metaphors that accurately express my feelings about life.
11. If I were a boy, my name would be Quinn.
12. Why are there so many horizontal surfaces in the world if we are not allowed to sleep on all of them?
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