Last night as the boy was tightly bundling me in blankets "like a burrito" as is my preference, he looked lovingly into my eyes and said "I hope you never find anyone weirder than me." He then gave me an affectionate bite on the chin, told me I looked like a mermaid, and retired to the living room to eat Lucky Charms for awhile.
Well dearest David, I can assure you I will never find anyone weirder than you and here is why:
1. I once came over to find you'd gone to Shopko and purchased just three things: mouse traps, string, and plastic sheeting. In a related story, yesterday we went to Walmart where I bought groceries. You bought tape for your label maker and a glass.
2. You are a "do it yourselfer", but not the kind of DIY stuff that most people do like fixing the sink or installing fashionable handles on their cupboards. That shit's way too mainstream, and might also require some sort of appropriate tool or supply that you do not have the skill to whittle or mold out of stray paper clips and would therefore have to BUY. But when it comes to making cat scratching posts, candles, or make-shift surround sound systems, you're pretty good. Not so sure about your "wall of cereal boxes" idea, but hey, we'll see.
3. Scenario: I'm vacuuming the living room and I come across a ball of tin foil. What to do? Anywhere else I'd just throw it out and no one would know the difference, but since I'm at your place I now have to consider a whole set of different scenarios: was this your special tin foil? Are there any precious memories attached to it? Was it one of the main components of that nuclear reactor you were working on and I am simply to ignorant of such things to notice the perfect folds that must have taken you hours to complete to precision? At this point I usually just put the tin foil in the box with the mouse traps and the string and decide to ask you about it later.
4.You may call the sheet that hangs from your ceiling a "room divider" but we all know what it really is... a fort.
In conclusion
Ladies and Gentlemen: before you start complaining about how annoyingly weird your significant other is because he doesn't put the silverware in the right spots in the drawer, listens to talk radio, or behaves in some equally "incomprehensible" way, I hope you'll think about me and give the guy or gal a break.
David: You'll never be normal. But I love you anyway.
xoxo Hannah
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